I don’t make resolutions, but IF I did…


Back in the Babylonian empire, people made resolutions on March 23, the spring equinox and their new year. Actually, that’s not such a bad idea. Because who wants to make resolutions in the dead of winter anyway? If we started our new year on March 23, as least spring would be right around the corner and we’d have more of an interest in moving beyond the nearest recliner.

Here’s another thought: One common resolution among the Babylonians was to give back something one had borrowed in the past year. This holds a certain appeal. Here’s what I’d give back: All the prayers and strength that people lent to me throughout the summer when I was recovering from the abscess-that-baffled-the-physicians-and-me. Or maybe I wouldn’t really give them back…I’d pass them on to someone else who needs them.

When I was young, I toyed with resolutions like 1) eat a whole carton of Whoppers in one day; 2) ignore the stupid boys who were bugging me; 3) collect more dust in my room than Kathy Bohn collected in hers; 4) get revenge on my brothers for burning those stinky black things under my bed; and 5) convince my mom to hem my dress at least three inches shorter than she wanted to.

Technically, I don’t make resolutions but if I did, this is what I would resolve:

1.) Learn how to play all the games Lindsay put on my iPod Touch. Actually, first, learn where they are.

2.) Spend an entire Sunday doing nothing but reading the NYTimes cover to cover…instead of spreading it out over a week.

3.) Read one book per week (I stole this from Stephanie Spencer).

4.) Talk to my daughters once a day instead of texting.

5.) Watch a movie at a movie theater with my husband instead of watching and re-watching episodes of Moonlighting, Monk, Remington Steele, Seinfeld, Hogan’s Heroes, Perry Mason, etc.

6.) Convince the dog NOT to have a growl fest in the middle of the night.

7.) Convince the cat that kitty Prozac really does taste good and thereby, avoid more cat bites

8.) Bike the entire 18.5 miles of the lakefront bike path in Chicago.

9.) Shop at Uncle Fun’s

10.) Keep the garden free of weeds. (Oh, I can hear the laughing already.)

See, this is the thing about resolutions. You either have to realize that somewhere along the way you’ll probably fail to keep them and/or come up with resolutions that you know will happen. At least this way you have a 50-50 chance of success. Don’t ask how I came up with that percentage. I was never any good at math.

 

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3 responses to “I don’t make resolutions, but IF I did…

  1. What were the stinky black things under your bed?

    • Pannabecker Steiner Mary

      Ask James. Black cones — we called them snakes, I think. He’ll say he never did that. He’s lying.

  2. Biking the lakefront bike path in Chicago is on my very, very long bucket list.

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