Daily Archives: November 1, 2011

Fording a new frontier: Becoming a “senior”

It appears the secret is out. My husband has officially joined the society of “seniors”. I guess that’s what happens when one turns 62. Oops.

Yesterday, a bright yellow postcard arrived in the mail — courtesy of an area “Buffet and Grill” — inviting him (cordially, I should add) to join some unnamed folks for a “Complimentary Meal” (their boldface, not mine). Of course, should he take them up on one of the three dates offered, he will be lucky enough (and I use that term loosely) to attend a seminar on “How to Protect Your Assets in Today’s Uncertain Times.”

Among the oddities about this offer is that lunch starts at 10:30 a.m., one dinner starts at 3:30 p.m., and the third at 6 p.m. Who eats lunch at 10:30 a.m.? Or dinner at 3:30 p.m.? Technically, we don’t eat dinner. We eat supper. But…I digress.

Apparently, there are things he needs to learn about becoming a so-called “senior”. Let me just say that this seminar makes no comment on the visual side-effects of becoming a “senior” (i.e., wrinkles, graying hair, increasing health concerns). Apparently, those are of little consequence — despite the fact that a “buffet and grill” suggests an unlimited supply of food that is guaranteed to clog one’s arteries and/or increase one’s weight.

Nope, the little yellow card informs him that he will learn how to (their uppercase lettering, not mine):

1. Avoid the Four Critical Mistakes that Seniors are Making
2. Eliminate the Six Major Risks during Retirement
3. Help protect your Principal, Reduce certain Taxes, and Increase Retirement Income
4. Avoid being taxed AGAIN on hard-earned Social Security Earnings

I should also mention that there is NO cost and No obligation, but seating is limited. Okay, I’ve driven past this place. It’s the size of two barns. How can seating be limited? Oh, and by the way, he’s encouraged to bring a SENIOR friend. No mention on what qualifies one as a senior, but I have a funny feeling that his wife doesn’t fit into that category. Wonder who he’d take?

Ah…and the last bit of information. In tiny print at the very bottom. Of course. The disclaimer.

“Investment strategies and products mentioned involve risks and there can be no assurance that the future performance of any strategy or product will be profitable.”

Seems to me that disclaimer fits right in with what one will learn by attending this seminar. (See number 1 in aforementioned list.) Which, on the face of things, is a hair this side of a tricky marketing ploy.

And…since the hubs is not fond of tricky marketing ploys, my guess is he’s going to pass on this one.